I learned a few things this evening.
I have a customer (at the bank) whom I also had the pleasure of regularly serving while I was working as a waiter at my previous job. I had always found him intriguing. He would come in alone, order 1/2 sandwich and soup. He would try whatever desert we had on special, and he would always be good for a short conversation. He encouraged me to pursue working in a field that would help people. Before he was retired he worked many places but his favorite was working as a counselor of troubled children. He remembers that as the most rewarding job he ever had, "working one on one with these kids, going home feeling like you made a difference in someone’s life." Anyhow, I asked my 90 year old friend out to dinner, my treat. This was about a month ago. I have seen him a few times since and he has been having some hip problems, so our meeting was continually delayed. Last week he told me he would call and sure enough he did. We met for dinner tonight at the old restaurant, this time I joined him. I enjoy sitting down with reflective people, usually those who have journeyed a bit longer than I have. I enjoy asking them questions, hearing stories, and soaking up wisdom. I am fond of people who grow old with grace.
I took many things away from the time we spent. The most profound was the value of the love of a father. He told many stories about his father and how though he wasn't a perfect man; he was a kind giving person. I could see the love that this man had for his father. It was still much a part of his life. "After my mother and him split, I went to live with him, and I am thankful that I did. It was just me and him, he never had any lady friends...he was just my dad." "Every Friday we would go to the corner store and as we got about a block away, my dad would stop...then we would both take off running as fast as we could. He always beat me, always... (and as he said always, he hit the table just like a 12 year old boy would have) always. I never won." The smile on my friends face as he reminisced about those memories was such a delight. I could see the love that his father had for him and the love that my friend had absorbed 80 years ago; a love that continued to live on. I learned more fully the value of a fathers love through that story. I also was reminded of how thankful I need to be that my father lavished that sort of love on me and my siblings. When I am 90, I hope some handsome young man will listen to my stories of my father and I.
I asked him what he had learned over his lifetime, if there was anything that he would suggest steering away from, or more fully pursuing. He thought for a while and our conversation was full of stories, yet always came back to the direction of him sharing what he has learned. I found new appreciation for enjoying and finding meaning in the work that you do. I also was reminded to leave work at work and to be full of love at home. "If you have that, nothing else matters." I also was encouraged by stories of how his father was a giving person. "During the war, the Japanese were all of a sudden our enemy. They only had a few days to pack up all of their things before they were shipped off to the camps. My dad cleared out our basement and made room so that they could store their stuff at our house while they were away. That was kinda risky, but that is the kind of person my dad was. He was always helping someone. Every week we would go buy bread, and we would always buy 2 loafs. On our way home, my father would say, 'go put this in between the screen door and don't ring the doorbell.' We lived among doctors and lawyers and during the depression, everyone was struggling. My father was just that kind of person." My soul longs to be remembered that way. The color of my carpet, no one will remember, but the time I helped someone in need truly makes a difference. "Back then there was no medical care, and there was a guy at his work that got sick and needed surgery or he was going to die. It was going to cost him $300 and back then that was a real lot of money. My dad walked over to that man's house and handed him the money and said, 'you are going to need this, and if you ever pay me back do it in one lump'. I remember when one day my dad came to me and said, do you remember that $300, well he repaid me in one lump." That is such a humbling story. Someone going out of their way to help someone who was about to die. The way he told that story made me feel that the man didn't have to feel continually indebted to him. Paying someone back a large amount of money a little at a time feels so draining, but when told to pay me back in one lump sum, it seemed to take the load off. That is the type of thing I want to be remembered for, using the resources that I've been given to help the world. You know?
Another one of the many things that I was reminded of was the value of a family. "I have one sister, but I know you better than I know her, so to speak. I have only one living son, I don't see my daughter, she lives in Arizona, my wife was sick on and off forever before she passed away. So I just have my one son and my dog, Sarah." I put things in perspective for me, how valuable family is, and even more will be. He has a lot of time on his hands to sit and reflect about things and I think having a more connected family is something he would like.
"The number one problem with our country, I think, is that 50% of the marriages end in separation. I think that that is really hurting our society and that we need to do something about it. Most of the troubled kids that I worked with came from broken homes and I think that really takes a toll after a while. You learn how to be a spouse from your parents and if you don't have a model then it is harder for you to beat the odds. It just is going to get worse generation after generation. I really think that is one thing that this country needs to work on."
As we finished our meals, I helped him stand up, we walked to our cars and I shook his hand, and then gave him a hug. I truly enjoyed myself, chatting with my peaceful, wise, old, reflective friend, and I hope to do it again soon. It seems to put things into perspective a bit.







